


Fanfics I needed to save

by Valleyflower



Category: A War of Angels, Doctor Who, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Thor - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 00:16:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13846038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valleyflower/pseuds/Valleyflower
Summary: I need to save these from a dying tablet.





	Fanfics I needed to save

Thiiiiiings aka fanficWords wordsAwaken fanfic planThe Catalyst/The Reaction fanficThe happiest fanfic so farYes, another fanfic.A weird crossovercurmudgeon, clique, cacophony, cantankerous, cerebral, capacious, crepuscular,Saving a post  
100% post savingIdeas:the noteWillow is taking over the notes app.  
Okay, humans! This place is a perfect place to write fiction, so that is exactly what I'm doing! Honing my writing skill, writing fanfic. I plan to branch out into original fiction, but for now I'm a fanfic writer. Expect plenty of hhgttg.

willow  
On the Origin of Betelgeuseans 

There are many theories about why Betelgeuseans(those of the last three particularly) are so weird. Some say an improbability field surrounds them. Others say that they just...turned up. A group known for their stupid but regularly true theories say that they are descended from a Time Lord and Lady, with lots of immigrants along the way. All of the theories have backup.  
Theory One explains the high concentration of seers and supernormal beings.  
Theory Two explains why they mock most life forms by calling them "thing-descended".  
Theory Three explains the many similarities between Gallifreyan and Praxibetel.  
The problem with these is that every Betelgeusean knows what the answer is, but it cannot be translated by a Babelfish. The last time one tried to tell the fish in question spontaneously combusted. The Betelgeuse Answer, as it is called, is in Praxibetel. Only one planet knew what the answer actually meant, which explained why they were smug arses(although this may had been the fact they were nigh-immortal to boot.) Unfortunately, they all died in The Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster. Only one being alive can understand even a single word of Praxibetel and he refuses to answer because he hates the language. He has stated that it is the reason his father died, and also the reason for most of his life being rather shit.  
He doesn't have a name.

The reasons that Betelgeuseans aren't normal very from universe to universe. Their planets are in a rare Triple zone (FL4 Triple D Theta, to be exact) so they are always there, just rather different in the matter of inhabitants. In one universe, nobody lives there. The most common "mutations" are oddly coloured eyes and an incredibly high tolerance to alcohol. One of the rarest is the universe with an accident involving a planet's stray cats and a transmutifier, resulting in enhanced senses, slit-like pupils and high rates of colour blindness. As a result, Betelgeuse is credited as the place contact lenses originated.

 

Linked: You have three links. Heart-link, mind-link and soul-link. Everyone has a heart-link and a mind-link, but soul-links are rare. You only have them in a universe where your fate and theirs are twisted together in the strangest ways-or linked. Here's an explanation.  
Mind-link: they're your best friend, you work together like two halves. you can communicate telepathically.  
Heart-link: the traditional soulmate. they love each other and can read each other's emotions.  
Soul-link: the hardest to explain. your fates are connected, so you will always find your soul-link if you have one. you can use telepathy, read emotions and read each other's memories if the other soul-link allows you.  
Other than there being three links instead of one soulmate, there's another twist. If you find your link, it's good, but nobody minds if you don't. You can fall in love with a non-link. Lots of people have. One thing that's true across the Galaxy, though, is that your links will be at least half your species. Otherwise, loads of people would have single-cell life forms as links.  
\-----------

No, I'm not. This is The Guide to Surviving a FAYZ-Like Situation.

So, you and quite a lot of other kids have been trapped in a sphere, half underground and half above. There's no way in and no way out. You downloaded this file on a whim or you had read Gone and thought it might be good fanfic. When you tried to open it, you found it was locked, with a series of binary commands. From your limited knowledge, you thought it might be a checklist. When you tried to delete it, you failed. It has only opened today, when the dome was made. This is a guide, from the leader of a long-standing dome to the possible leader of a new one. Before we begin, I should tell you this.  
Good luck.  
\--------------------About The Author And Her Native Bubble----------------  
You're not getting my real name. Anyone might see this! Call me LibranOptimist, L.O, or Valleyflower (Valley for short.) I'm young enough to not be worried about disappearing yet, but old enough to be thinking about it. I am current leader of a bubble known as New New Ross. Bad name, I know, but it was New Ross before the big poof. It made sense at the time. We were in a nice, favourable bubble, in a town, with a good few supermarkets and a garden centre. We can access all the internet that was around when we poofed, but no-one can communicate outside the bubble. We have only figured out how to send this now, and it could only travel to future bubble areas. Yes, we sort of knew this was gonna happen. Anyway, back to me and the bubble. It's a decent place, only a few broken windows, lots of frozen food, some farms (we're pretty close to the first wheat harvest!) and a lot of schools. Three(or four? Five?), to be exact. But due to the Big-15, around half went poof. So one-and-a-half schools from three schools. Your bubble might not be as nice and dandy as ours, but we're pretty sure most are just as great. If anarchy doesn't run rife, you have a good chance of making this place thrive. Now, to the actual guide. It will cover the first week day by day, then the rest a bit loosely. We hope this guide will be helpful to all the other bubbles out there, so we best start now...  
\-------------Day One.------------  
So, you're confused, you're scared, you wish your Mum/Mummy/Mom/Mommy/Mam/Mammy/all those, but in male form/guardian was still here. But don't worry! All you have to do is follow the instructions.  
Step one.  
If you are at school, take charge. Tell anyone who comes to school on a bike to get on it and ride to the other schools, to tell them to meet somewhere easy to find. I chose the new park and library close by.  
Step two, head to the meeting place and find a rock or something, something high that you can stand on. Stand on it and call out to the people.  
Step three, give a short but inspiring speech. My one went something like so.  
" Well, it seems we're trapped in this invisible bubble and everyone over fifteen is gone. Please don't flip the fish out! We can make this work. We've got supermarkets, houses, freezers, a garden centre. All we need to stay alive is in here. We're not going to die. It will be hard, and you will have to learn a lot of things, but we will make this a not bad thing. But before that all happens, we sorta need to look around for fires and stuff. Everything's been left on, everywhere. I know quite a few people are scared, but we might be here for a while, and we don't want it to be a wasteland. Now, who wants to be awesome and put out some really small fires?"  
Don't copy it to the letter. I like that speech, it's a LO original. Just keep it in mind, okay?  
Step Three, go turn off all flammable things. Smash windows if needed. Split up. This will take a LONG TIME, so give it a while.  
Step Four, find some beds and go to sleep. That's the end of Day One, guys.  
\-------Interval One: Powers and How to Stay Mentally Stable.---------  
You might have powers. This is a side affect of living in a bubble. You might have developed them before the bubble poofed in, or may have started whilst you were in the bubble. There's a huge range of powers you might have, from healing to telekinesis. Anything could happen, as long as it isn't overpowered. I can't provide a list, but I can give you some categories for them.  
Healing: Physical healing, mental healing, power healing, plant affinity. Even animal control. The real-life Sylphs and Maids among us. Anything associated with plants and animals falls under this category too.

Sensors: Power sensing, mind reading, seeing things nobody else can. These are Seers, and Seers only. Only powers that only exist in your mind fall under this category.

Four-Plus: The crazy, overpowered lot. Telekinesis, fireballs, manipul8tion. These lot will be measured as four bars or over. They mostly fall under Heirs and Witches. Also Known As: CRAZY O.P, GUYS!

Aggressive: Fire, pain, other stuff. Not much else to say about this. Use them wisely, don't flip out. They're Knights and Lords, mostly, with some Princes too.

Passive: super speed, invisibility, bioluminescence. They can't harm people, but do benefit you. Rogues and Thieves.

Totally Useless: the girl who turns invisible when she blushes. The boy who can locate a squid from ten miles away. These aren't useful and never will be. They're exclusively Bards.

Wildcards: anything that doesn't fit into these six categories, of fits into more than one. My power fits here. Any class that is left is likely to fit somewhere in here.

Okay, those are the seven categories you need to tell what the frick is going on with someone. Just to add on my power: I can manipulate soundwaves with my hands. It's a wildcard, because it fits into two categories. Feel free to call it passive-aggressive. If I cup my hands around my mouth (or anything else that makes noise) it amplifies it. If I hold my hand to my ear, I can hear things far away. If I hold it, palm flat, in front of a sound source, I block it. It's passive for the hearing and blocking, and aggressive for how much damage directing white noise at over a hundred decibels at your enemy can do. Trust me, I've tried.  
....  
Okay, the enemy was a decibel detector thingy.

 

Heehee I tricked you, now I can finally write fanfic!  
It's a hhgg and paranatural crossover, because my brain won't shut up about it. Set somewhere before the first book, in an alternate universe.

Ford was, as usual, hitchhiking. What wasn't usual was that he was in a car, on Earth, pretending to be human. He had crashed here around a year ago, and just about managed to live on a pittance and go around the world.  
Well, across the massive pond.  
America seemed a lot more weirdness-tolerant than England. He had headed for one of the weirdest places, a town called Mayview. On the way, time had decided to change to 2008, but he didn't mind. He had, at present, no fixed residence or job, so as long as the currency was the same he was fine. Travelling the Galaxy made you this open-minded.  
So, Ford had got in a car on the way to Mayview.  
It was pretty boring. He had stayed silent, muting the Guide and reading some of the longer entries. He was just about to continue when he felt a stabbing pain in his head, then his heart, then everywhere else. \Need to get out, not this in a car.\  
/it's called the barrier./  
\the what?\  
/it is made to stop ghosts. you're like this since i'm drawing your energy to keep a hold. is that okay?/  
\just this once. give enough back to get me to the nearest hotel. or house. or dumped mattress.\  
/on it, ix. i'll talk later./  
Ford felt the pain lessen, more like being punched than stabbed. His voice wavering, he said"Um, this is where I need to go. Can you stop?" The people obliged and he got out, mumbling his thanks. A derelict petrol station was the only building close enough to get to. The door was open and there was a mattress stuffed behind the counter. Must had been used by others before him. \okay, ishka. you can carry on doing what you're doing, for a bit.\  
/until morning?/  
\until morning.\  
That was Ford's last thought before the world flicked out like a light switch.  
(part one:the lilac spectral and that beeping barrier.)  
There was a new spectral in Mayview. The spirits could sense it.  
Doorman knew the most. The new spectral wasn't possessed, but had an odd link with his spirit. He had passed through the barrier without dying somehow. A lot of things about him were a mystery.  
Patchworm knew the spectral was lilac, an uncommon energy colour. Lilac(no name, just a colour) didn't belong here, there, or anywhere else.  
Scrapdragon and King C didn't know much. All they knew was that this spectral could be a threat, so they had to find out if he was ally or enemy.  
Muse knew that Lilac was a writer, who tried to paint a picture with his words only to have it condensed to one dot. He knew that he had more knowledge than most.  
The other spirits could only feel a tingle in the back of their minds. Some were busy, some weren't interested and some were just a bit dim. However, none knew more than the little water spirit who reached out to them that night. The lilac spirit.  
Ishka.

There was a rather odd man in the corner shop that Saturday morning. It wasn't that he was oddly tall, or short, or thin, or fat. It wasn't any colours, or opinions, or speaking patterns. There was just an air of wrong, of something-bad-will-happen-soon, of weirdness.  
Yet again, this was normal for this town, so Max got on with looking through the cash register. For some reason, his dad had filled it with Monopoly money. Apparently it was to "boost morale". Actually, it only boosted his dad's Weirdness Factor. Max had started reorganising the money, but was distracted by a slight scraping noise from a shelf. He glanced up, expecting to see Lefty trying to prank him, or just some random spirit. Instead, he saw a water bottle moving on its own. Towards the odd man. Who was looking at it as if this was normal. Max sort of just stood there, staring with his eyes wide. The bottle slid off the shelf, but then hovered towards the man's hand and landed there. It was then that he thought to look around him, and see Max.  
"That was definitely the wind. Completely. Or a trick of the light. Or a hallucination. Nope, magic trick, definitely. I wouldn't steal it, though." The odd man had an English accent that kept going up at the end of sentences, as if he didn't believe himself. His blue-green eyes were darting to Max, then the bottle, then the door, then the exact spot where a bat ghost was perched. Together with all the other evidence, Max was pretty sure this man was a spectral. This theory was confirmed by the tiny lilac sparks that came off when he walked to the counter. "You're an Agent." Max stated flatly. "Why did you try to hide it?"  
"A what now? Agent of what? And hiding what?" the Lilac spectral responded. He looked very confused. For a moment, his eyes glowed(just a bit) then he looked even more confused. "Well, that's a stupid name for a secret group."  
Max decided to consult Scrapdragon's world.

"An agent of the Activity Consortium. A secret group of your type."  
"My type? You mean-"  
"No, ghost seers."  
"Ah. So he can see them too?"  
"Yes. They're more common around here."  
Ford was having a chat with Ishka. The world around him had changed into a cave, full of glowing blue pools. Lilac lights dangled from the stalactites. The glowing blue bird next to him was his spirit. She often insisted that her name was spelt U-I-S-C-E, but Ford refused to say it like that because it sounded weird. Looking around the world he shared with her, he saw some scraps of metal. "That's odd." he said. "What's that here for, Ishka?" Then he saw the kid in the hat, standing in another patch of orange-lit metal. Further along, Ishka's world dissolved into the dragon spirit's, a post-apocalyptic place with metal and dried dirt. \Just like home.\ Ford thought dryly. "Hello, hat-child. I'm guessing I should know you because of ghost stuff, so. I'm Ford. Nice to meet you!" He stuck out a hand, which the hat child shook. "I'm Max." Hearing nothing else, he decided to start asking questions. "Why is this place full of ghosts? What does the barrier do? Why did it hurt Ishka? And why the zark is it 2008? Is this normal?" Max's expression said something like you-have-too-many-questions-also-you're-weird. Ford stepped back again, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Sorry, too many questions. Probably should ask the leader of your little team. But if not, that's fine. If I can, though, what's their name?" Max finally snapped out whatever he needed snapping out of and looked up. "His name's Rick Spender, and this will probably make him regret giving out his phone number." Max quickly wrote a string of numbers on a piece of paper and handed it to Ford. He took it, wondering quite how he was meant to get a phone if he had no fixed residence.  
\ah. 2008. Phones.\ He was going to have to get one of those. The cheapest one he could get. "Best go back to normal now."  
"Yeah. Are you going to pay for that water?"  
"Yes, what do you think I am?"  
"Living in an abandoned gas station."  
"Mm, good point."

Ford was sitting cross-legged on the counter of the abandoned gas station, aka his home for now. He was staring at his cheap grey phone (touchscreen, thank god) and trying to find the message app.  
/swipe to the left, it's bright green./  
\thanks.\  
He tapped the icon and started typing in the number on the bit of paper. Ford hoped that however this person was, they were nice enough.  
hello human!  
who are you and how do you have my number?  
thought you might ask that. my name is ford and i have your number because of stuff.  
and stuff entails...  
spectrals. a barrier. this boy called max. and a spirit called ishka.  
so you're the lilac spectral, i presume?  
bingo! now, can you tell me where to get info on this?  
the local trainer/spectral expert/wise old guy is called something guerra. nobody knows his first name. his house, the huge wood one giving off rainbow energy, is in the woods.  
ok, i'll go pester him. but expect updates if anything weird happens.  
\-----------  
In summary, nothing weird happened. Now, onto something completely different!  
\-----------  
Ford had just noticed why he kept thinking he had lost his bag.  
He had stolen a set of three "discreet" SEP fields, and one of them kept going off. This had given him an idea for something cool. He had estimated that around six people could live in the petrol/gas station comfortably, so he was going to make it into a source of income. Five dollars per day for a place that nobody else could see, a bed and some vague semblance of warmth. Ten dollars per hour to rent the second SEP(he sold it as "spy invisibility tech), one hundred if you broke it. Ford kept the third, in case of emergencies. As it turned out, the emergency wouldn't arise until a month of normality later.  
\-----------  
"Nice SEP field." Ford's senses were instantly on high alert. Somebody knew what he was using, what he'd done, what he was! Then he took a deep breath, told himself to not panic and thought, Let's just answer like a normal hitchhiker. "Thanks. I took it from the dump near Cybernetics."  
"That explains it, them." Ford decided to finally turn round. The person he was talking to was female-looking, humanoid and a bit on the short side. Her build was fairly similar to his, actually. Her hair was short and brown, her eyes a deep forest green. Odd colours were pretty common in the Milky Way cluster. "So, where are you from?" he asked, hoping for a planet answer.  
"Alderbaran. You?"  
"Betelgeuse. Probably a bit of a weird way to start off a conversation." The girl realised this and looked behind her, checking if anyone else was here. There wasn't. "Yeah, suppose it is." she said. "How about names? I'm Kirita-11, but my Earth-name's Kitty."  
"I'm Ix, but pretty much everyone knows me as Ford. Ford Prefect." Kitty looked like she was trying not to laugh. "Because you-"  
"Mistook the dominant life form, yes."  
"Aren't you, um, let me remember, related to someone important?"  
"You mean Zaph?"  
"If Zaph is Zaphod Beeblebrox, yes."  
"Sorry to say that I don't know anything about you, so I probably should ask when you're from."  
"Around human year 1910. Born then, I mean."  
" If it's 2008, but I was in 1970s-"  
"How..."  
"Don't know. I just am."  
"Okay, continue."  
"If I was in 1970s, I must had been born in... 1780s!"  
Kitty's eyes widened. "You're two hundred? I knew Betelgeuseans has pretty long lives, but that!"  
Ford grinned, happy to finally talk without watching every word to see if it was human enough. "Yeah, New Betel to Three can live to five hundred, Four and Six to eight hundred, and a tiny fraction of Five and all of Seven up to a thousand! Most of them die before then, though." He rattled off the list he had learnt as a kid. Never thought it would actually be useful. Kitty had relaxed to a more neutral expression. She must had learnt this in ETE(extra-terrestrial education) too. "So I guess you're from Four or Six." Ford pulled a half-apologetic, half-frowning face. "No, I'm that one from Seven. Y'know, Ix? Betelgeuse, Five, Hybrids, unpronounceable string of letters. I looked myself up." The look of 'ohh yeah, I remember that!' said that she did know. "We had a competition to find the weirdest names in the Galaxy. Yours was pretty high up, along with this old guy called Slartibartfast and an Earthling called Peter Dick-Peter." Ford couldn't help giggling a bit at that one. The poor guy! "Alderbaran must had been a pretty hoopy place." Kitty rolled her eyes a bit. "No, it was as boring as Pegasus-47-d, but the school trips were amazing!" (Note: Pegasus-47-d is a planet completely taken over by a banking firm. It is widely acknowledged as the most boring place in the Galaxy.) Ford's definition of amazing usually involved the words "towel","bar" and "drink". His guess was that these trips ended up involving all three. /anyway.../ Ishka butted into his thoughts, reminding him that he probably had things to do. "If you haven't got a place to stay, I'm sure there's a spare place in here," he vaguely waved his hand at the petrol station, "if, y'know, you don't mind random noises in the middle of the night, or the vague smell of petrol. It is cheaper than anywhere else." Ford was very aware of how stupid he sounded, so he just stood there prodding a pebble with his toe and hoping for a positive answer. "Oh yeah, humans don't accept intergalactic cards...should've thought of that before I set off." This answer gave Ford enough information to make him grin like, well, Ford Prefect. Kitty was a rather badly prepared traveler, probably first time on a pre-contact planet. She couldn't afford decent accommodation, so his was probably the best she would get. "Easy mistake to make." Ford was quietly wishing that Ishka would stop doing that knowing grin that he could almost hear. "I can give you a knockdown price of zero. One hitchhiker to another." Kitty's gloomy face change to a hopeful grin. "You would? Thanks!" She stuck out her hand and Ford shook it.

 

Three universes. Two humans. One alien.  
Red-eyes, ever the gentleman, with dark brown hair and a kind voice.  
Green-eyes, logical and a deadpan snarker, with blonde hair and a smooth, melodic voice.  
Blue-eyes, the oddest of them all, with red hair and a crisp, intense look about him.  
Henry Jekyll, from Victorian England. Loren Arkwood, from modern England. Ford Prefect, from Betelgeuse. They were the oddest trio of Brits you were likely to find this side of the galaxy. Brought together by a series of highly improbable and extremely silly events, none of them particularly minded when they got back. See, they were all a little younger than we know them in their stories. All of them looked to be in their mid-twenties, although Ford was actually around a hundred. Loren was vital for the strategic aspect of things. Henry could figure out most chemical contraptions, given a few minutes. Ford was the spaceman. He knew what was who, how was when and why was when. Together, they made one decent traveling, world-saving team. Red-Green-Blue, the beings with no apparent plan.  
\----------------------–---------------------------  
another au, but this time with half-gallifreyan ford, linked and some telepathic vehicles.  
\----------------------–---------------------------  
All the telepathic starships Ford had ever met were idiots.  
They could sense people's telepathic signatures, if they had one. He did, along with around a quarter of all Betelgeuseans. However, their signals didn't send the tech crazy. A typical conversation went like this:  
Advanced signal located. Source: Gallifreyan. Sending notification...  
No. Cancel. Shut up!  
Why?  
I'm not Gallifreyan. All the Time Lords died centuries ago. I'm Betelgeusean.  
Negative. Advanced signals are exclusive to Gallifreyans.  
Positive, you zarker. Your circuits must be wired wrong. Cancel notification, sever link.  
But-  
By then, the connection was severed and Ford had stormed off, on the way to something alcoholic. He only learnt the reason for all these strange conversations when he wandered into a police box on Alderbaran and met his soul-link.  
Ford, for once, wasn't drunk. Alderbaran had some of the nicest scenery around, beautiful lakes, but no drink. Just some really tasty fruit juice. So, he was wandering along a forest walk and slurping a juice when he heard a groaning, wheezing noise nearby. Mechanical, but somehow a voice as well. A dark blue, windowed box faded into view. Some ship of sorts, with a telepathic signature.  
Oh, zarking hell.  
Ford prepared himself for another dim computer groaning on about Gallifrey, but no noise came. This made him interested enough to walk off the track and towards the box.  
Nothing happened.  
He reached for the door handle, expecting a defence system to kick in.  
Nothing continued to happen.  
He opened the door, wondering exactly how many things you could fit in such a small ship. Then he discovered that the ship was in fact very large inside. This was odd, but he'd heard of it happening before. Ford looked around, taking in the scenery. "Hello? Anyone around?" Someone poked their head over the walkway. They looked fairly surprised that someone else was in there. "Name?" Something about the ring of their accented voice made Ford answer. "Ford Prefect, w-"  
"Planet?"  
"Betelgeuse Seven."  
"How did you...wait.  
It was only then that both realised that neither of them had spoken a word.

Every person has one sentence on their arm, that appeared when they were nineteen. It is the first sentence your mind-, heart-, or soul-link will say to you. Red for heart, purple for soul and blue for mind. If you don't have a sentence for the other two links, it doesn't mean you don't have one. It just means you don't have to say some words to know it's them.  
Soul-links are rare. When the purple sentence "I never thought anyone would say those words!" appeared on Ford's arm, over a century ago, it gave him a boost of confidence. It meant that he would speak his soul-link's words first. He didn't have to look out for some random sentence, just wait until he found them. The fact that it was a purple link that he held over Zaph for the next month helped too.  
The Doctor had the strangest violet words on his arm. "At least your computer isn't telepathically screaming at me." It didn't make any sense. Why would a computer be screaming at someone? Specifically, his soul-link? At least they were very distinctive words. No-one else was going to say that to him before it was time.  
—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-  
Ford didn't have a clue how this being was talking like he could. He'd never met anyone who spoke telepathy fluently. To most it was a struggle even forming a sentence. It was much easier to command machines, though. Their basic minds were much less complicated.  
The two aliens stared at each other, both looking equally shocked. Ford because he had never accidentally slipped into telepathy before, the Doctor because only Gallifreyans spoke like that. After a while of awkward staring, Ford broke off and said(out loud) "Well, at least your computer isn't telepathically screaming at me." He had expected an odd look, or some sort of explanation. What he got was the double-take, stare-at-arm, look-back-at-person reaction of someone who had just found their new link. He knew what the Doctor was going to say before he even thought it himself:  
A grin, then, "I never thought anyone would say those words."  
Well, zark him. He was linked with someone who seemed to be the last of the Gallifreyans.

•  
The Doctor was currently in his TARDIS, not doing much. He was planning on going on a trip to Earth soon('cause the idiots always needed saving) but for now, he was watching the layout shuffle around him. This slightly hypnotic process was interrupted when he heard someone that definitely wasn't Clara(or it could be, not as if I'd know)make a terrified squeaking noise. As anyone who heard a stranger in their home would, he decided to investigate. Corridors were helpfully lit up, showing him the way. It turned out the source of the noise was a half-conscious figure on one of the lower levels. The being(never make assumptions) was humanoid, with reddish hair and slightly stretched-back features. He wore an assortment of what looked like out-of-date Earth clothes, along with a battered satchel. He looked a bit familiar, but the Doctor only knew who he was when he spoke.  
"Theta?"  
"Ix." This bloody alien had turned up to every single one of his incarnations. The order in his timeline, though, seemed to be completely random.  
"You're tall, but you're not Scarfy or Jacket or Bowtie or Converse, so you must be Sunglasses."  
"Correct." Until Ix explained what on Gallifrey he was doing here, he wasn't getting anything more than one word.  
"Why am I here?" Ix paused, as if daring the Doctor to admit that was exactly what he was thinking. When he only got silence, he continued, "Well, a friend of mine was on this nice planet, Siluria, and he decided to go to the pub, because everything else seemed less hoopy. Unfortunately, the friend didn't realise that Silurian alcohol was a delayed poison? When he got back, I told him and he was like "WHAT?!" and I was like "BE MORE CAREFUL!" But then I realised that I-sorry, he-only had an hour left until the poison took action, so I said that I knew a guy who could help and that was you! So, I hooked the Thumb up to the TARDIS signal and went." Ix took a deep breath and started looking at the Doctor again. This was just the sort of thing that he always ended up in. Making a friend, then they just kept coming back for help! However, he was still going to help because this was his second-oldest friend after Missy, and psychopathic Time Ladies weren't the best company.  
"Ix, tell the truth."  
"When don't I?"  
"Most of the time, but anyway, was this friend you?"  
"M-maybe...I might have just imagined it..."He sounded rather hopeful.  
The Doctor sighed and stared at Ix. "Just tell me how "this friend"," he made air quotation marks, "said he felt."  
"Freezing, pounding headache, sick and very regretful. By the way, was the spinning a few minutes ago real, or just me?"  
"That was real."  
"Oh, good. I suppose the swaying is just the TARDIS playing silly buggers, too."  
"There's no swaying."  
"Okay. Froody. By the way, I'm probably going to be a lot less chatty in, say...five minutes? If that clock there is right." Twelve felt a growing sense of dread as he realised which clock Ix was talking about. "That's the five minutes too fast clock." He was expecting another accepting reply, but didn't get one. This was because the maker of these was currently flopped on the floor, unconscious. It's a good thing the idiot is small.

The Doctor hadn't realised quite how much worse Ix looked. He'd always hidden whatever was wrong behind a positive attitude and long conversations. The figure now lying in the seldom-used bedroom was as pale as paper, his face glistening slightly with sweat. There were bags under his eyes and whatever expression he was wearing, it definitely wasn't a happy one. The TARDIS had agreed to take care of the complicated medical stuff whilst Twelve sort of ignored him and make himself a cuppa. There was no use in worrying about things he couldn't help. Little did he know quite what was going on in Ix's head.

ix, the boy who never knew anything. standing in a wasteland, looking over rubble. dad says that this is my home. he says that he'll leave me alone to see what it was like. and i'm standing here, looking over and i blink.  
this statue, that i've never seen before. covering its eyes and its stone fangs. and i blink again. it's closer and its grey eyes are gaping and i can't let it touch me. don't blink. blink and you're dead. and i manage, and i'm fine i'm safe but dad comes over.  
blink. blink blink.  
dad's gone, he's gone and i'm running to the ship again, i keep looking back and the statue is closer, closer and i slam the door. and the last thing i see before my consciousness isn't needed is an angel face silently screeching.

"Don' blink, blink an' you're dead." The Doctor is surprised to hear one of his own lines repeated, although a bit slurred. He peeped his head out from behind the door to see Ix on the floor, twisted in a cover. He has an almost creepy tendency to repeat things that he's said before. In the two times that Ix has crashed here(he's very accident-prone) there has been a combination of mumbling, talking, drunk giggling and screeching. Also that once where he got a dead-man's grip on Twelve's leg and didn't let go until he woke up. The two were opposites in many things, but very similar in others. Ix's personality was most similar to Ten or Eleven, with a childlike wonder and a whole lot of hugging, disguising...well, something bad. The only way you could get any clue to what was going on was in very stressful moments where he let his guard slip.  
Unfortunately for anyone's ears, this was usually when he was asleep.  
There seemed to be silence now. Twelve had spent a minute or so slightly zoned out, as he was when there were things to think about. The vacant look on his face changed to surprise when he heard a voice that was unmistakably Ix not coming from Ix. Thanks, TARDIS! Ix-not-Ix said. It couldn't be what he thought it was-  
It was. The TARDIS had just made a happy whirring noise in reply. The Doctor reached with his own mind and thought, I never knew you were a telepath..  
I'm not. I'm standing right in front of you!  
Ix. I'm a fully conscious Time Lord in his TARDIS, so you should believe me when I say you're not awake.  
You could clearly hear the panic in Ix's voice when he asked, Well, to prove it, can you walk to where I really am?  
Twelve walked over to the now terrified-looking alien on the floor. He heard a gasp in his mind. You j-just walked through m-me. Some sort of apprehension was clear in his voice as he thought-said, If you poke me, no, not there, around my side, bit lower, yes there, it'll probably wake me up.  
Why? But he got no answer from Ix. So, he decided to follow his advice and was about to sort of lightly prod him when an invisible hand grabbed his wrist and made him practically punch the figure and-

Ix couldn't hear much. Or see much. The logical part of his brain said this was probably some unfortold effect of the poison, something to do with the enhanced telepathic abilities and the hallucination. The reason he'd told Sunglasses to poke him there was an old break from a couple of years ago that had never quite healed. It had hurt like hell, but at least he was awake.  
Then, finally, he remembered the effects of Silurian drink.  
Mild poison. Psychic-enhancing. Hallucinogenic. Completely removes any and all memory barriers.  
Ix hadn't realised quite how many of these he owned.  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm zarking sorry..." he mumbled, looking down to hide the drip-drip-drip of tears on the floor. Twelve seemed to quickly ask the TARDIS what on Gallifrey was going on. Well, he only looked up with a puzzled and confused expression, but telepathically it meant the same. Ix heard the click-whirr noise that came in reply. The Doctor's face darkened as he realised what this meant. If this had happened to him, it would be Time War, Midnight and- he shuddered slightly-Confession Dial all over again.

 

•  
Your name, until a while ago, was Ix.  
Your current name was Ford Prefect, and your current home was Earth. Unexpectedly for anyone reading, the year was 2018.  
When you were younger, you'd dreamed about going to another planet. You'd researched a random one, then written a short story about yourself living there and sent it off to a writing competition. You'd won first prize, which was it being sent on a teaser ship to an alternate universe.  
Your reader-insert, under the name of Ford Prefect, had been implanted into the mind of a rather good author and made into a radio series. This spawned a book, then a TV series and finally a film. A century later in your timeline, you had decided to go see how famous you were. You found a teleporter service, packed your bags and researched the hell out of 21st-century Earth.  
Identity:secure.  
Job:"self-employed".  
Phone:yes.  
Name:Ford Prefect  
\--------  
You'd arrived on Earth a week ago and promptly discovered you were in the wrong zarking universe and there was no way back.  
You'd known the latter, but not the former.  
After screaming at yourself, you'd gotten to the recently purchased flat(yours, ha ha) that was fully furnished and had *money* because you were prepared like that. Let's just say the Altairian dollar exchange rate was crazy.  
You were very ready for life on Earth.  
\---------  
Three months later and you were still pretty organised. You had found a rather boring job(less boring than staying at home all day) knew about all the pubs in a five-mile radius and had met A Human!  
Her name was Jane Smith and she was just as...not-normal as you. Average height, short blonde hair and a glittering smile. Bubbly, intelligent and positive. Shared a few odd traits with you, including an inability to grasp sarcasm and a certain otherworldly quality. You had become fast friends, taking turns to shout at anyone who called you a couple.  
You were a *platonic* couple. The whole thing of sex was gross anyway.  
In other news, you had discovered the term "asexual" and realised that was why sex was gross anyway. The other term, "biromantic", explained why you'd never been attracted to most aliens but there were so many pretty humans.  
It had been a week of pretty cool discoveries. If you could, you would have told Jane all about it.  
She would have never believed you on all of it.  
\---------  
Two weeks on earth and she was already making friends. There were a few cool people at work(blending into society, yay) but her Official Favourite Human was the weird guy a few doors over. His name was Ford Prefect. His rather odd name was apparently the result of his mum relishing the ability to drink alcohol again before naming him. He was a similar height to her, with red hair and bright blue eyes. His smile was slightly unnerving and lit up a room at the same time. He was a slightly hyper, happy-go-lucky, socially awkward thing that she related to more than she'd thought possible. The thing that seemed to have brought them together was the thought of a kindred spirit, someone who saw the world in the same different way.  
Her and Ford were pretty much inseparable on any given weekend.  
Anyone who called the two "in love" would be shouted at.  
Even though she couldn't tell him everything, the Doctor still thought this was a great week.  
\--------  
Ford worked at a tiny, kinda boring Tesco down the road. The wages were oddly small, but his coworkers seemed okay and very interesting people sometimes turned up. Like the woman wearing a wide-brimmed sunhat in November, or the man who bought eleven fidget spinners and returned ten the next day.  
It was December right now, and he hadn't seen Jane in a while. Apparently, she was "visiting family". Yes, she had used the air quotation marks and no, he did not know why.  
There were a lot of strange foods being stocked for Christmas. These included dead American bird, tiny cabbages that no one liked, and(his personal favourite)Flammable Brown Pudding. None of them seemed tasty, but Christmas was still a good idea. He had discovered this thing called Secret Santa and immediately(and loudly) told all his coworkers about it. This meant that he would be getting two whole presents this year. That was like, infinity times as many as last year.  
Completely unrelated, he had just figured out why he felt this terrible.  
"I just realised something really weird," he told the cashier at the till next to him. "There was that much food being bought and I saw so much of it that I kinda forgot that I hadn't eaten food. In like, ages." He was that quiet and wobbly-sounding that nobody heard him apart from the current customer. Ford turned around and grinned. "Hi Jane! Hadn't seen you in a while! Did you hear that I-" He was about to finish talking, but his brain finally decided that it wasn't putting up with this.  
Ford Prefect, like the sensible expert of self-care that he wasn't, faceplanted the counter, unconscious.  
\----------------  
Your friend was the most idiotic, forgetful being you had ever met. You'd had to practically drag him, half-conscious, out of Tesco, down the street, into the apartment building, in the lift, down the hall and into your flat. He was now lying on your sofa whilst you made tea. Hopefully, he'd wake up soon.  
"Hiiiiiiii, is that tea?"  
Speak of the devil.  
"Not until you tell me how the hell you managed to forget food for so long that you flippin' passed out? Didn't you realise that you were hungry? How," you paused for effect, ",the," another pause, "Fuck?" You stared straight at him, blue eyes to blue. His were still half closed.  
"Oh. That human thing, where their brain reminds them to eat? It kind of-doesn't work in me?"  
"It isn't just a human thing, most intergalactic species have that."  
"Most intergalactic species, Jane the Human?" Ford was grinning. It took you a second to realise what you'd said.  
"Just a human thing, human Ford?" you retorted. Ford would have paled, if he could get any paler.  
"Explain over tea, maybe?" he suggested.  
"Good idea."  
\-------------  
Explaining over tea had turned into explaining over tea(the drink), tea(the meal) and Rich Tea biscuits with chocolate spread(for dessert). There had been a lot of explaining to do.  
"So neither of us are human."you stated.  
"Nope." the Doctor replied.  
"You're a super-famous planet saver and destroyer, Oncoming Storm and all that shit."  
"Wouldn't put it like that, but yes. And you're that Ford Prefect. The one in the books with Arthur Dent and Zaphod and everyone else."  
You grinned."You read it! And yes, I am. Zaph never called me Ix again after he realised he was famous as the president of the Galaxy."  
You'd been wrong about Jane/the Doctor not believing everything. She was an alien too, from the lost planet Gallifrey. The only reason you hadn't realised before was because the Doctor was usually male. Apparently, she wasn't in control of that, but being a woman was alright.  
She'd quietly added that she wasn't going back any further than the 20th century on Earth until she found a way around all the sexism. You'd replied with a choice selection of rude words from all over the Galaxy directed at the sexist idiots.  
After that icebreaker, the rest of the evening was spent slightly drunk, laughing about this backward planet and how most of the countries were named after rude words.  
(To be fair, there was a fairly large planet called Shitface-12, named so because its north face looked like...well, you know.)  
\-------------  
•  
Andrew Ichor had unusual eyes. They were a bright cornflower blue, almost veering into purple. Obviously, this was only important before the Veilbreak, when his eyes became an olive green, close to emerald.  
This was the main reason that Matthew Langley looked up whenever he heard a mention of the Ichors or their company on the news. After all, they were famous enough in certain circles. Very odd circles, like cultists and some...unsavoury types, but still. If it exists, there's probably a TV channel for it.  
Matthew Langley was mostly a normal boy. Tall, a bit skinny, blond hair. His eyes, however, were a vivid shade of sunset-orange. This didn't matter after the Veilbreak either, when Matthew's(Loren's by then)eyes were yellow-green, like burnt grass.  
These two had a lot in common. The odd eyes changing to magic-green. The name changes. The feeling, when they met, of a quiet but important spark.  
Andrew and Matthew had both heard of soul-links. They knew that a soul-link was a person that your fate was twisted with, and theirs with yours. They didn't have to be romantic partners(although this sometimes happens) or even friends. But, whether you like it or not, you were stuck with them.  
Soul-links were incredibly rare. Only around 100 had been recorded, ever. So few that most people didn't even believe in it.  
David and Loren never expected to meet each other years after the War had ended. They never expected that they'd feel that spark again, and  
just  
know.  
\----------  
A War of Angels/Doctor Who/Hitchhiker's Guide/Norse mythology crossover  
Features four humans discovering who they used to be. In a world with Angels-style magic, but no forces alive to threaten it.  
\--------  
Targets:  
Loren Arkwood(descendant of a War vet, hence the name)  
Dr Jane Smith(the most normal)  
Loki Laufeyson(had a Norse name tradition in the family)  
Ford Prefect(...honestly, we're not sure)  
Occupations:  
Government agent(Gifted-Ashkind relations, two doors down)  
Professor at a university(lectures on anything and everything)  
Office worker(boooooring)  
Works at Tesco's(also boring)  
Age:  
27 for all  
Status:  
Gifted(lower)  
Gifted(medium)  
Gifted(v. high)  
Ashkind  
\------  
"Ok, these are the files I downloaded, compete with comments."  
The four people in question were sat around the table at Ford's flat, looking at Loren's laptop. He'd thought that he'd heard the people from Special Secrets(Classified Operations, but that was the work nickname) talking about them all. Loren, Ford and Loki weren't exactly common names, so he'd downloaded the data on them and called everyone here. Now they just had to figure out why Special Secrets were researching them.  
There were many possibilities.  
\------------  
Loren could twist what little magic he had into ways that higher Gifted only dreamed of.  
Jane worked on an experimental method of time travel in her spare time.  
Loki was nearly an Angel, with the strange visions to match.  
And Ford, although he wasn't a Demon, was a Gifted Ashkind.  
\-----------  
The four of them mostly went to Ford's when they needed to talk about slightly illegal things. He lived in an Ashkind neighbourhood, so there was less CCTV, less magic regulation, less people and lots more space. The three Gifted always marvelled at how much space there was. They were currently sitting in a park, discussing how to infiltrate the Government systems.  
•  
At some point, the team is going to end up in a town of some sorts and Actually Need to Buy Stuff. Piras is a bit too recognisable and Nyl is about to go, but then realises that money is a thing that she doesn't have. Faen, like the no nonsense type he is, is very prepared.  
(Nyl:...how? Why have you got that many things with you?  
Faen: have you seen how easy it is for the military to break into a house? I'm not leaving important stuff there.  
\--------  
The unusual hair/eye colours sometimes manifest as a result of stronger flux. However, most people believe that it's just a rare mutation because of the major apocalypse around a century ago. Green, brown, grey and blue eyed people are much more common, but since our cast has pretty strong flux, they're some odd colours.  
All of the cast have eyes or hair matching their flux colours.  
Eyes: Grey, Nyl, Faen  
Hair: Piras, Cian, Aden, Camille  
Actually, maybe it's the flux colours that are less common. Purples and pinks show up as matching hair or eye colours, but as they're less common, these colours are seen as mutations.  
\------------  
Some worldbuilding for the Improbable-verse

Loren  
He doesn't have much power in his magic, but he knows how to use it. He manifests magic in its purest form, in tendrils and sparks of light that match his eyes. He's known Loki for the longest. He insists that asexual lokiromantic is a valid orientation, but he's more likely demiromantic. He works in Gifted-Ashkind relations and is one of their few faces in the tolerance and anti-classism campaigns. Pretty much everyone who isn't an extremist likes his department, so the team has voted him "Least likely to be the victim of a hate crime".  
Ford  
His magic is on the same medium level as Jane's, but is pretty remarkable because his eyes are an Ashkind blue-grey. He's known Jane for the longest, as they met in university. Frustratingly, he loves science-magic and would be able to get a well-paid job in it if he wasn't a magical anomaly himself. Instead, he helps Jane with her time travel box and works part-time in Tesco. He's asexual-biromantic and a bit of a flirt, so spends some nights getting drunk, flirting with anyone and then hitting them when they try to get more sexual than romantic. He's the social butterfly of the team, so drags them to any Pride event in the area where they invariably have a great time and Ford invariably finds every other ace in the area. Well, he's already found three of them, so how hard can it be?  
Jane  
She's the most intelligent of the four, which is quite a feat. Her magic is more raw power than finesse, but she uses it to power some very impressive science-magic machines. Her current project has the working name of "Time and Relative Dimension in Space". She's more science and less magic-oriented, along with Ford. Jane thinks that she's aro-ace, but is fine if anything else happens. She works at a university giving very random but very popular lectures. She 

 

5~  
"Why can't I go with Zaph or Theta?"  
"And why can't I go with Ix?"  
"Why can't Missy and me and Zaph and Ix all stay together?"  
The four adult humans had split into two pairs, the spacey one with the rude one, the creepy one with the goofy one. He wasn't really bothered about names. All he cared about was finding out why he'd gone on holiday, only to be split up! The goofy one, who seemed to be their leader, spoke up. "I'm sorry, everyone, but there are some bad people who we really don't want to find you. We need to split up so it's harder to track us." Theta was nodding along, Zaph looked sleepy, Missy still looked annoyed and Ix looked curious. "So we've moved to this...Earth? And we're gonna go around it until we're old enough to go back?" The spacey one smiled a bit and nodded. "Okay then." Theta spoke now. "I'm gonna be John Smith." Him and Ix had played "Mineral-Wood Chip Sheet-Sharpened Art Related Blades"(apparently, it was called Rock-Paper-Scissors) on the ship to see who got to be John Smith. Ix had ended up with Isaac, but he'd left the surname to Missy(she was Eleanor). Zaph had decided on Phil, which Ix thought was pretty dim. Yet again, so was Zaphod. He was snapped out of the contemplation on names by Creepy, who said,"You can talk to each other using phones."  
Blank faces all round.  
"Etha-net based computing appliances."  
Looks of vague understanding from Theta and Ix.  
"Guides that can send messages."  
Everyone got what she was talking about now. It was hard for the four humans to understand the alien kids, and vice versa. They were going to have to figure stuff out soon enough, though.  
7~  
The boy who had been Isaac and the girl who had been Eleanor were sitting in the back of a car. They were trying to figure out what name to take next, after Missy had been caught running at a speed way too fast for a human. This was their first move, if you didn't count the planet-move. At the moment, they were arguing about the surname. Ix said it was his turn, since Missy had chosen last time. Missy said that that was when she was five, so it didn't count. In the end, Ix won. He grinned his rather alien grin and said, "I'm gonna be Aaron...Dixon!"  
"Do you have some sort of obsession with double A's?"  
"No, they just sound nice!"  
"Weirdo." Missy muttered before saying much louder, "I'm Poppy, then. Poppy Dixon."  
The two of them smiled, happy that they had done a good job of naming. John and Rose never got a choice in the names. They always kept their first names, but changed their surnames to fit the kids. It was certainly an interesting life, looking after two small, immature aliens.  
They spent three years as the Dixons from England. They were always from England, since Missy and Ix had inexplicably English accents. Their relatively nice stay in a place called Somewhere(it was actually called that) was interrupted by something all of them had hoped would never happen.  
10~  
Aaron and Poppy were the same age, but in different classes. Right now, Poppy was in Art class, drawing a crystalline, shimmering plant that she had seen in her dreams. She thought it might be from her home planet, Lorien. On the other hand, it might just be a random plant, but it was still fascinating to draw. She was looking forward to showing it to John and Rose, then hiding it somewhere that Aaron couldn't find. In that little rip, inside my mattress. Her thoughts were interrupted by a quiet buzzing in her pocket. Her phone. Glancing around to make sure no one was looking, she checked the screen. It was from Aaron. She swiped the screen to see two words that made her blood run cold.  
they're here  
Who is? Poppy knew what the answer would be, but she was hoping with all her heart that it was a joke.  
mogadorians they're here this planet they're going to kill us, oh zarquon missy help we can't stay we have to go and run and never, ever stop! Aaron had to be panicking if he was calling her by her real name. They had made an agreement to only use these names in person or on the chat they had with Zaphod and Theta. Poppy had to get them out of here, somehow. She looked around again, drew some more lines on her drawing, then switched to Pesterchum on her phone. Rose and John weren't on any other messaging things.  
\--crystallineConundrums[CC] began pestering tentacleTherapist[TT]--  
CC: Rose, I'm sorry that I'm messaging during class, but you need to come get us.  
TT: Why? Is something wrong?  
CC: According to Ix, the Mogadorians are on this planet. Don't ask me how he knows. He's not lying, I can tell.  
TT: Okay. John and I are coming to get you early because we won tickets to a play that insists we are very punctual. It is on after school, but you need time to prepare.  
CC: I'm just going to say that we have to leave early and that you're waiting outside.  
TT: We will be.  
\--crystallineConundrums[CC] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist[TT]--  
Poppy switched back to messaging and quickly typed:  
Rose is coming to get us. I'll be there soon.  
She switched off her phone and raised her hand. "Sir, I've got to leave school early today." The teacher simply nodded. She stuffed all her things in her bag, grabbed her drawing and left the classroom. Aaron(okay, that wasn't the name of the alien. Ix.) would be in English right now. She took a left, straight ahead and left again and knocked on the door. "Sorry, miss, but Aaron and I have got to leave school early today." The teacher saw her bag, decided that Poppy(Missy, really) wasn't lying, and nodded her approval. Her brother(let's call him this for convenience) stuck out like a sore thumb, with his bright red hair and unusually blue eyes. Missy looked straight at him, then to the door, then to him again. He got the message and grabbed his bag and coat, then nearly ran out of the classroom. Once the door was closed, Missy glared at Ix with her blue-grey eyes. "We're going to have to leave this place now! Why did you have to tell me?"  
"I couldn't just leave us all to die, could I? They've locked on to us with a hundred mile radius. I can hear the signals, they're all green and rusty and wrong, we need to leave, right now!" Ix had always described things oddly. How could a signal be green and rusty? It was like the time he said that a flower had looked like lifelines, or a screech carried on the wind sounded red. It didn't make sense to Missy, but it apparently did to him. She looked at him again and saw the way his face was drained of colour and the slight redness in his eyes. Arguing could be saved for later. Right now, they needed to get out of school.  
\---------  
In the next four years, they moved too many times to count. Every time they started to blend in, the Mogadorians were sighted just that bit too close and they moved again. It was only when David and Michelle Saxon existed that things changed.  
\----------  
It was break time and Ix was in the corner of the yard, at the "nerd table". He had a bit of a reputation as the technology guy of his class, able to fix any phone. Talking of phones, his had just beeped.  
DAVID! It was Missy.  
mm?  
It's a legacy, a LEGACY, I can see time and sort of need help. This was worrying. Missy was ridiculously proud and never asked for help.  
why?  
The future has me becoming unconscious if nobody turns up.  
ah. yup. where are you?  
Nearest cleaning cupboard to the door. And I'm...well you'll see when you turn up.  
Ix managed to evade all detection and get to the cupboard. "Michelle?" he whispered. "It's David." The door cracked open and Missy's rather angry face peeped out. "What took you so long? We need to get out soon!" He recognised the pale face and bright eyes from whenever they had to move again. It was odd to see the look on her face instead of his own. "Agreed, but before we sneak out, what's the thingy?" Missy rolled up her sleeve to show the watch-like pattern on her wrist. It was making a quiet tick, tick, tick noise. Ix stared at the little clock and murmured "Wow..."  
"Yes, I know that wow, but come on!"

Next year, they were somehow still in the same place. Everything had been relatively normal. Missy had only developed one more Legacy, telekinesis. Ix had watched jealously while she levitated things around the room. Missy had grinned and threw three pillows at him at once.  
It had been the best pillow fight ever.  
The school bell rang at the usual time and a mob of kids poured out the front door. Missy was a bit nearer the back, still waiting for Ix to appear. When he did, she instantly knew something was wrong. He was quiet and hunched up, trying to look invisible. His eyes didn't show any emotions, just dull pain. When Missy called out, "Hey David!" he nearly put his hands over his ears before stopping himself and just nodding. Missy waited until he was closer before quietly asking "What's wrong?"  
"Noises." came the quiet, mumbled answer. He was going to have to be more specific than that. "Ix. You're gonna have to say more than that if you want any help." Ix glared at her, then quickly said, "Everything's louder and nothing tones itself out and it's all stuck together and my ears are going to explode if it doesn't STOP!" There was suddenly complete silence. Missy looked around nervously, expecting everyone to be staring at her. But everyone was still talking, laughing, going about their lives. It was like someone had pressed a mute button on all the world's sound. That person was standing next to her, finally smiling calmly. "Well, that's good."  
"Don't you realise? This is your first Legacy!" Missy was surprised he wasn't freaking out.  
"Yes I do. I'll have time to party later. It's so nice and quiet, isn't it?" Ix was right. She hadn't realised how loud everyday life was, but now it was gone the world felt calm and serene.  
They walked home in the silence. Ix unmuted the birdsong and the rustling of leaves, as well as their own voices. He seemed so in control, like Missy had been with telekinesis.

A fic with my new faves  
•  
Four times the team saved each other and one time they didn't

1  
"Hello? Are you okay?"  
The man on the ground in the middle of a crater groaned in response. Loren wasn't sure what distinguished this guy from any other randomer passed out, but...something did. He glanced at him again, and yellow-green eyes met bright turquoise. Pretender, like him. "Uh...you happen to know where this is?" The stranger had a southern accent, but nothing indicated what accent exactly. "We're in London. How do you not know that?"  
"Well, I fell from a spaceship into a portal and landed here." The stranger got up, dusted himself off and stuck out his hand."I'm Ford Prefect, and you are?"  
Loren shook it."Loren Arkwood."  
"Loren, nice to meet you. Assuming you believe my explanation-"  
"Not really."  
"Assuming you do, though, where can I exchange this-" Ford took a glittering diamond coin out of his pocket,"-for some human money?"  
Loren now understood what "eyes as wide as saucers" meant. His were now.  
\----------------  
He'd thought he'd seen the last of Ford, until he turned up outside Loren's house at four in the morning. He was very, very drunk, and told Loren of everything before he fell. His dead planet, his semi-cousin Zaphod, his job as a hitchhiking journalist. After that (and Loren telling Ford all his own secrets and tragedies, while drunk) they became quite good friends. Loren quietly accepted that his best friend was actually an alien, and that said alien had a job in the Starbucks he went to every day. It was a strange existence, but both were quite happy with it.  
\------------  
The second alien fell three months after Ford. In exactly the same place. While walking home with Loren(they lived in the same spacious, but empty apartment block) Ford saw that his crater had someone in it. He dragged Loren down the alley to see who it was.  
The new stranger was blue. Well, he flickered to a whitish-pink a bit, but most of the time he was blue. Loren sighed in a way that said his life couldn't get any weirder and said,"Welcome to the Alien-Crater, London. I'm Loren, this is Ford, nice to-"  
"Wait, you're Loki!" Loki looked up when he heard his name, and saw Ford. "And you're Ix. What a happy reunion." He deadpanned. Loki got up(looking a bit worse for wear than Ford had, Loren noted) and nodded to the pair. "Does this happen often?"  
"Happened three months ago with Ford. I'm human, if you're wondering."  
"Okay then. Quick summary:this isn't my universe(nor is it yours, Ford), nobody knows me apart from you two and I have no money. Temporary accommodation would be appreciated."  
Loki soon became part of what Loren dubbed "the alien support group". A subsection of this group was named "I used to live on this really nice planet but then it got destroyed and I ended up living with people who looked like me, but weren't, including my older brother(the one with the long blond hair) who was considered more important than me, so I ran away, worked for the Guide a bit, then travelled the galaxy until I fell in the alien crater and was found by Loren."  
Ford and Loki had a lot in common.  
Anyway, Ford had lent Loki some of his *secret diamond money* and Loki lived in the same building as them. Loren really had a feeling that Loki wouldn't be the last. Three was the magic number, after all.  
\-------------  
Three months later, the third and final alien fell.  
This time, it was Loki who saw them. "Loren, I see what you mean about this being a regular occurrence."  
Loren sighed and walked down the alleyway. His face changed from resigned to rather worried when he saw the state the newest stranger was in. One of her arms was bent the wrong way, and there was a small patch of blood on the ground near her head. He looked to Loki(whose magic was so powerful he was nearly an Angel) and quietly asked,"Are you up to teleporting multiple people, if I help a bit?" Loki nodded, if a bit hesitantly, and took Loren's and the stranger's hands. "Concentrate on Ford's place, as hard as you can, then imagine the world moving under us to get us there. On three. One, two-"  
And the world moved beneath them, and they landed in the kitchen, and a lot of people said a lot of things.  
Ford, who was making a sandwich at the time, screamed at them. Loki's eyes slid shut as he sank onto the floor, unconscious. The stranger stayed unconscious, now under Loki, and Loren tried to not get stuck under anyone.  
"Ford. Shush." Somehow, this worked, so Loren continued,"We found a new alien on the way home, she was hurt and wouldn't move, we teleported, Loki's used too much magic and we probably should get both of them off the floor."  
After they had dragged Loki and the stranger onto the sofa, Ford made an extra sandwich and the two of them sat there, on the carpet, watching the news and waiting.  
Loki woke up first, halfway through the weather. He mumbled a quiet "Sorry for collapsing on your floor.." (Ford responded with a shrug and "It's fine, could happen to anyone.") and looked over to the stranger. She was still asleep, but was glowing with golden, thread-like energy. All three stared at this, but only one knew what was going on. Surprisingly, it was Loren.  
"She's the Doctor, isn't she?" His eyes were wide with a combination of wonder and worry."Clothes way too big, with regeneration energy healing her still. I don't recognise this form from the stories, so she must be the newest. She used to protect this Earth until we got our magic and didn't need protecting anymore." Legends of the Doctor were as common here as they were in any world,  
Based on an AU idea of Estravon being only half-human, the other half a long-extinct Infested Side species. Elves. However, that type of elf is unnaturally tall instead of short. Involving backstory, laughing swamps and much confusion.  
/////  
His name wasn't a warrior name. It was the name of the greatest strategist of the elf army, long ago. He hadn't been the one to run into a fight. He was the planner, the behind-the-scenes one, the one who thought things through. Although, he hastened to add, he could hold his own in a fight. Nobody knew his name, but he was the clever, slightly pessimistic glue of the whole thing.  
This could have been about Estravon the elf, member of the Uprising. Or it could have been about Estravon the half-human, Assessor and half-hunter. But for our story, it focuses on the latter and the inconvenience of being the only half-human, ever.

Finn, Emmie, Estravon and the Orthrus were near the Giggling Swamps. Apparently, these swamps were in the way of where they needed to go. They also made any Legend dissolve into fits of giggles. Luckily, it was completely harmless and didn't affect humans. Hiss said that the trick was to hold your breath and that he'd be fine. "Let's get going then." Three deep breaths were heard. Finn wasn't quite sure who the third one was, so chalked it down to random noises.  
This theory went out the window when he heard Estravon giggling.  
Hiss looked about as confused as he was. Emmie was looking slightly concerned. "Why...how?" Estravon tried to frown at her, but ended up laughing again. "Long story, tell you later-" a burst of laughter-"None of this is even funny!"

"First things first." Estravon started. They had found a less spiky bit and called it camp for the night. There was no shelter, but no wind or rain either. And, of course, they were a good distance away from the swamp. "Well, a good few things. First, when this place was green and full of life, hundreds of years ago, there was a warrior race called the elves." Finn didn't see what this had to do with anything, but kept quiet anyway. "They looked like the fairytale-type elves, but tall. Really tall, for no apparent reason." Hiss had a suspicion about where this was going. The human's name had seemed familiar, or at least less strange than the other two. "These elves became extinct because of a huge war between them and pretty much everyone else." Estravon continued. "Mostly over the only patch of land that wasn't withering and dying, that the elves owned and refused to share. Also over a bet with a Hydra over who killed more people, but that's not important. The important bit is that a Legend Hunter turned up in the middle of this all. He was called John the Misinformed, because nobody told him that waving dusty crystals about makes strange things happen." Emmie was a bit confused. None of this was in the history books, other than a footnote about a minor incident in Darkmouth around thirty years ago. "To sum it up, there was a battle going on. The last one. Not many elves were left. Most were trying to run away, including the cousin of their main strategist who saw John. Her name was Irada Oakbound. She ran with John to the portal and they both escaped. Due to her looking pretty much human other than the pointy ears, weird eyes and extreme tallness, she wasn't taken to some storage facility as a little Desiccated ball." This was beginning to make a bit more sense. Well, at least it was in the right world now. "Basically, human boy meets elf girl, they fall in love, they get married and live a relatively happy life. They also discover that the two species are compatible in ways you don't need to know about." Emmie pulled a face. Finn asked, "And this explains everything how?" Estravon remembered that he wasn't giving a history lesson and added on "They also had a kid after a few years and named him after Irada's cousin, the strategist. Who was called Estravon." He smiled the awkward smile of 'let's see how this goes then' and waited for a reaction. Oddly enough, this came from Hiss. "So you're the only half-hunter, half Legend ever. And, for that matter, the only half Legend." Finn gaped. This wasn't meant to be possible! Legends looked like things from stories, with weird colours, shapes and abilities. Estravon was a human, albeit with slightly pointy ears and weird eyes(vivid green and dilated). "That's weird. And nearly impossible. I mean...elves? How.." Estravon interpreted this as 'I don't believe you but I'm too polite to say.' He was right. He started to think of proof to give. Unfortunately, most of that involve violence. Oh well, he thought, only because it's necessary.  
\--------------  
You knew that you weren't normal. You knew that normal people didn't know how to hunt Legends, or what a Desiccator was. You knew your mum was even less normal than you. Her eyes were a bright, unnatural yellow, her ears even more pointed than yours. You also knew that she was an elf, you were half-elf, and neither of you were meant to exist.  
One thing you couldn't quite figure out was why every old Legend hated you. The Twelve ordered inspections of the Desiccated, to make sure they still worked like they should. This involved reanimating random Legends, then sending in a couple of Assistants or Assessors to Desiccate them again.  
So far, every Legend over one hundred years old had tried to kill you and only you.  
The first had been a little Hogboon. It had battered you with its tiny fists and screeched "You ruined our lands, you dirty elf! Curse you!" You pretended to be confused and said it was probably because of your ears. The others laughed, agreed, and nothing more was said.  
The second was a bit more problematic. It was this wolf thing with antlers, desiccated 120 years ago. The moment it was reanimated, it fixed its dark eyes on you and charged. Your first instinct was to scramble out of the door, but it was locked until it was safe. You panicked and forgot about the Desiccator on the wall. It stabbed your shoulder. You screeched. The others shouted. The Legend bellowed in what sounded like anger and, somehow, fear. You knew that it could be Desiccated until it wasn't touching you. You still don't know how you managed it, but you got away from the Legend and shouted "No contact, it's safe, just DESICCATE IT!" They did. The little ball of fur and bone went fwoop and dropped to the floor. You did too, sinking against the wall, only just noticing the trail of red across the floor. Not nearly enough to be life-threatening, but enough to have you a bit worried about whoever-  
Oh yeah, it was you.  
Your brain refused to deal with that right now, so it flipped the off switch and you fainted. It was the first time a Legend had injured anyone outside of Darkmouth for a long time. Not the best thing to be known for.  
After a while(and multiple murderous Legends that you'd rather forget) you finally stopped being put on Desiccation duty. Lucien replaced you at that. When he smugly smirked at you, you just smiled back infuriatingly, hoping that the Legends hated him too.  
\----------  
"I know you need proof, so here it is. Scars all over from where Reanimated Legends tried to murder me. You'd be amazed how long it takes to realise that it wasn't a coincidence." Little pale lines on his hands, arms, even a few on his face. Finn was wondering how he hadn't noticed this before. He was probably focusing on Dad-saving, or relieved that they had actually got a vaguely helpful Assessor, or just confused at the rest of Estravon's weirdness.


End file.
